Although We're Incompatible

Pulling inspiration from comic pop art and a growing sense of self - this piece was a key breakthrough in believing in Me as something more than an extra in someone else's life. An embodiment of the idea that I do not have to settle for less than I deserve, while still battling self doubt and a desire to surrender to the ease of settling for things. With potentially romantic interactions, I have developed a habit of trying to convince myself that a person who finds interest in me is more compatible with me than they really are, that if I just look past some (major) incompatibility issues - the match is celestial. And at the same time, I convince myself that the love I did once have, was the most chemically compatible love I could ever possibly experience, even if there are plenty of facts to the contrary.

In the illustration, the girl is covered and filled with the energy and color of her surroundings, glowing with life - and Joe Schmoe in the red coat with an obscured set of the same pattern filling the girl, is kissing her, but with plain skin, and no regard for the buzz around the two. 

I have learned, that for any number of reasons and development conditions and astrological theories, I am what is called an empath. I absorb the mindset, emotion, even vocabulary of the people I am in proximity to. In many situations, having a bloodstream made of liquid empathy is useful, I deploy compassion without restraint, and I can very quickly take notice of a person’s pain, discomfort, and confusion.

In the positive, I experience joy infectiously. But in this way, I am very susceptible to other peoples' attitudes and pain rubbing off on me - especially given my near obsession with wanting to “fix people” or furthermore giving a person exactly what I know they want, regardless of whether “fixing them” or giving them what they want gives me joy or satisfaction. I learned and am learning, that to be made of empathy can lead to self-sabotage, if you let it.

Through creating an image of this idea, a girl with a glow the whole world can see - submitting to the affection of a Man who is not quite ‘It,’ I have a visual representation of the danger of giving too much of yourself to people, situations, and processes that leave me worse for wear. I charge myself with the courage to defer responsibility to people with more energy, if I in truth am exhausted; I fill myself with the belief that if I do not want to spend time with a person who hurts me by absorbing my time - I am allowed to bid them adieu, and I every day remember that although society is attracted to and fascinated by people who exude a transcendent, empathic, creative, and joyful life - only a particular few are capable of contributing to and keeping up with it.   

Not everyone believes conspiracy theories, not everyone take a moment each day to take in the wonder of their surroundings, not everyone is a free spirit sprinkled with stardust - even if they really want to be. My job therefore, is to inspire others from a distance with my oddity and quiet glow - not drain my reserves to give unto others, and not to permit the theft of my joy if there is nothing they can give back to me.